What can I say.

Sometimes,

2011-03-18T01:33:00.001+08:00

I wish I as so drunk I can blurt out everything and have a reason to deny everything afterward.

2011-03-15T20:23:00.001+08:00

Are you living the way you really want to if the world as we know it ends in 2012?

I know I am not.
And I am terrified.

Things I can be:

2011-03-10T01:58:00.006+08:00

The Frostmourne to your Arthas
The jelly to your peanutbutter
The charger to your laptop
The Pikachu to your Ash

The Fuji to your Tezuka

I am not angry, I am just tired.
If you come and talk, properly, I swear I will be alright again.
I will be whatever you thought I am, hardworking, cheerful, serious, whatever.

But I don't know what to expect and what I want and what you want and what we want, hard enough.
I feel like I am thinking too much into things that aren't meant to be, given my heart out too much and it is lost en route because it is not with you.

Tell me something, please. Your 'later's never do come and they are consuming me alive.

/Would you rather be absurdly happy for that brief period of time and bear the pain after that, or not be that happy at all?

/tearing on the school benches and I don't know what to do at all.

2011-03-02T15:32:00.001+08:00

如果你对我说你的手很冷，我会把它牵起来。
如果你对我说你的心很冷，我会把它受起来，用我的心温暖它。

/weibo inspired.

Let's go back to the start.

2011-02-19T12:33:00.002+08:00

Before you start breaking my heart with practiced ease.

Zoom.

2011-02-11T13:55:00.004+08:00

Let's all be rocketeers, flying, diving, dying inside.

They say time heals everything, but it seems to be that it makes everything worse.
Or maybe it is divided into short-term and long-term.
With different interest rates and risks.

Oh the consequence of spending so much time with Biz students.

And oh, oh!
The prospect of returning to shooting is exciting.
The thought of standing in front of the firing line, again, trying to better yourself with every shoot.
Although it will be a new gun/suit/shoes etc.
And new team mates, terrifying because I don't know how they will be like.

2011-01-11T11:01:00.006+08:00

"The last time I tried to leave you, you attempted suicide with a blunt razor."
/said in a calm tone.

Haha this line is stuck in my head - it would be a minorly epic line in a fic I think.
>3

No, I am not feeling suicidal at all.
I just want something to love.
And, um, slightly sadistically, someone that I can hurt.

I like playing sports, learning and playing for fun.
But I really really don't like competitions.

梦里的甜蜜总比不起
梦醒后发现梦里的虚假。
／难过

2011-01-01T19:09:00.001+08:00

WHY am I the one labelled as anti-social? F- YOU.

I hate chu

2010-12-24T22:16:00.002+08:00

Why does my mind insist on thinking of all the things undone and waiting and engagements I don't want to attend and the like today?

拔河

2010-12-22T22:51:00.002+08:00

我们同时拥有着
一辈子用不完的幸福
也有一辈子用不完的伤痛
总在两者之间挣扎而学会生活。

2010-12-19T01:16:00.003+08:00

Lessons from letters from the past:

1. Beware of blackmail material. And encourage people to not keep letters that are more than five years long.
2. I was such an insecure, manipulative person.
3. In upper primary, bitching was a class-wide past time.
4. Lower secondary was spent, in part, crushing egos and social climbing.
5. I have such cute friends and juniors in upper sec!
6. I've forgotten so many things. (Although most of them were voluntary.) Like friends I should have treasured more.
7. I should have treasured the friendship more.
8. It is bad fengshui to sit under The Beam.

9. Seriously. I was, and perhaps am still, such an unappreciative, stubborn, proud person.

You were the one who said that we haven't come to the end of the road,
So why have we stopped walking?

Te quiero

2010-12-04T13:48:00.006+08:00

You make my heart ache a little more, each time.
And I know I'll keep coming back for more.

In Spanish, the verb used to express love is querer.
I.e. I love you = Te quiero.
At the same time, it also means 'I want you'.

Let's get a hangover!

2010-11-27T11:24:00.001+08:00

Today I feel like...

I can endure all your drunken nights
To see you through your mornings.

we will go marching on

2010-11-07T16:01:00.001+08:00

I am attracted to people I am not yet want to be.
Leading the most ideal lives out there.

Sometimes I wish I can be an idealist.

you went out of the door

2010-11-03T00:35:00.001+08:00

Perhaps I should be more concerned.

Be more accepting, be more sociable.

Mishmash of thoughts

2010-10-27T16:57:00.004+08:00

Oh gawddd.
I have a quiz (supposedly important) on Friday which I am studying for but nothing about advertising is entering my stubborn brain.
Like MC and IMC and whatnots zomg kill me now. (no, joking)

I like my rather loopy and squibbly writing on my notes. (:

We did an interesting meme/Johari window kind of thing during class:

1. Write down the names of five people who have influenced/changed you in a way, and a sentence saying how they did.
2. Write down ten characteristics of yourself. How many of those were caused by the above mentioned people?

My innate (or rather, influenced) ability to rebel against what people think I should be doing is making me rather uncharacteristic.
I feel very rebellious now rawr and I know it isn't good for me but yet am still doing it.

I lost my lighter and I want it back.
Someone borrowed it for a birthday celebration and didn't return it. /:

Alright going for a talk now I feel so guilty not going for investiture but it hasn't benefited me so far so I shall be mercenary and not care hurmph.

Oh oh yes got another sms from Aussie (and replied, money!) and I'm pretty uplifted heeeee.

2010-10-16T22:53:00.002+08:00

Just when I thought I might be fitting in and might just enjoy my current circumstance, y'all had to jump in again,

And I'm glad.

Because I am reminded of how irreplaceable the three of you are.

Tennis and softball with yjcm today was fun although we didn't play much.

Its nice throwing and catching with them as a sort-of softballer as well.

Although my throwing is cmi. Urg.

And study session at Tea Party.

Which was sort of productive today, yay.

But I just read the requirements for the reflection essay and wow, it requires more in-depth readings/analysis than I thought needed.

So yay screwed.

Shall attempt to salvage something of my grade from the library on Monday.

Oh oh during brunch/lunch at SimplyBread today I thought of an idea!

Why not create a blog dedicated to brunch/all-day breakfast spots in Singapore with good food and good coffee?

Yes yes sounds good are you all drooling yet!

I think the biggest takeaway from the Aussie trip (more of Melbourne though) is the Goodness of Bunches.

Like they are awesome. Seriously.

You sleep until you want to wake up, then you have brunch. Yum much!

But Singapore's brunch culture doesn't seem as developed as Melb's although there is a pretty extensive list of places offering brunches.

So why not have a brunch listing offering reviews for brunches locally/overseas yes?

Well yes but I foresee myself emptying my wallet very, very often for this project.

So sponsors/eating buddies anyone? :D

Okay I'll chew on it while going back to chewing research notes D<

Keep Calm

2010-10-12T12:35:00.002+08:00

华丽的旋转木马

几时才会轮到我？

想占有你的欲望

我欲罢不能。

I rather like calm Tuesdays

(although today was disrupted)

because lessons start late

and I can use the time alone

(preferably)

to think and reflect and enjoy the solitude

which is hard to get during other days.

Although these times make me sadder than when I don't think.

haunts

2010-09-29T12:51:00.005+08:00

Hello I dreamt of her last night It felt so real like I could feel the warmth that when I woke up into the cold, cold room I felt sadder than I had been for a rather long time.

我伸出双手

想捉住你却连你的影子也碰不到

我想和你环游世界

去看

东京的日出

伦敦的大钟

俄罗斯的古堡

巴塞罗纳的教堂和

乌鲁汝的夕阳

想看每一个你喜欢的你想要的你爱的

而我也会爱它

VB.

2010-09-23T22:45:00.002+08:00

Everyone just says I need to get better, better and even better because I am apparently not good enough. Always. In anything.

I wonder if what is really my limit or am I just so hopeless in what is I view as my favourite sport.

Sometimes, again, I think that I'd like to think I'm hopeless at keeping contact because then it would be something innate in me and can't be blamed on anyone's actions yes?

I wish I miss you more and want you much more.

And today is another night fraught with insecurities.

(700) posts of things gd4u

2010-09-19T13:05:00.004+08:00

Yeah.

700th post shall be a happy one.

The week passed relatively fine.

Hamster died on Thursday, was a day too late to bury it.

I think I would have cried, but the pain was made distant when my father casually announced it in the car going back from hall.

Was cheered up tremendously with a letter.

Why I can still get so excited I have No Idea.

Lessons, though still deathly practical, contained more intangible things such as paradoxes and paradigms and ethnics.

Which are good (for me) because they are so theoretical and who doesn't love things theoretical?

(coughs)

And successful A01 outing last night, with 13/18 in attendance!

(dances for joy)

It was so, so good spending time with all of them again that I think I am going to drop into the never-ending well of nostalgia once more when I go back to hall and go back to my mopey, anti-social state because I believe that if all fails, There Is A01.

Oh yes, I want Posh brownies please.

Am formulating a plan to escape from DnD so that I can go to the airport between 8.30 to 9pm on the 1st October.

Ah, and I think I have forgotten some things I wanted to talk about.

Like saving up $400 every month and getting myself an air ticket to Japan/Australia/UK and not coming back.

Exhaust

2010-09-17T22:46:00.001+08:00

Making/Planning farewells leave me so emotionally drained.

I hate saying goodbye to so many close people so suddenly.

And homework isn't helping arghh.

The week ended

2010-09-10T00:54:00.004+08:00

Hello.

An early end to the week in hall and school!

Despite it being a shorter week than usual, I've been to all my classes and met my lecturers/professors/tutorial group mates.

Can't say I like them all, but some of them are nice.

Looking forward to knowing them better.

While others... I guess we don't see eye-to-eye/preconceived notions and stereotypes of each other make it a pain in the arse to interact.

NTU reminds me of Cedar.

The bad parts of Cedar, before the partner of greatness 4Z.

Like everyone has preconceived notions of others and judges people.

There is just an awkwardness that is innate in me that is being brought out again.

Brings out the worst in me when I become insecure and crabby and frustrated because there doesn't seem to be anyone concerned enough to care.

I guess I just miss NJ and the comfortable feeling of being in A01 where everyone (or almost) mixed well and worried about History and fretted about Maths and Econs.

Must. Stop. It.

This is the path I chose.

Angst TezuFuji + frustration over school + 苏打绿－小情歌 = 思念 + 感伤

Lesser than they once were

2010-09-02T01:03:00.006+08:00

Hello.

My first clubbing experience:

-Halls chartered buses to fetch the people to Zouk.

-Deemed too early to enter, went to eat dinner/supper.

-Got alcohol from Holiday Inn, mixes outside.

-Finally went into Zouk.

-Squeezing around trying to watch peacefully.

-Drunk friends dancing on the elevated platform and in groups.

Flashing lights, smoke, loud music, performances on the stage, much-too-squeezy dance floor,

people, people, people, people.

-Went out with P and G, to find P's friend.

-Spoke to G while P and friend htht-ed.

-Went to get water from Holiday Inn, took a bus back with G and J.

The aftermath:

Drank more than I have ever drank, am feeling it in my churning stomach and parched throat and headache.

Please please don't let me puke.

An experience for $2.

Hall Life: The Beginning.

2010-09-01T21:41:00.004+08:00

Hello.

And so... I am in hall now.

Hall is a sparse room with deceptively cheerful yellow bedsheets and an empty wardrobe, a small part of the cupboard overhead filled with food, another with various cleaning agents.

A messy study table, empty cork board and a suitcase full of unpacked clothes and such.

I don't exactly miss home per se but I just don't feel comfortable here. Yet.

My mother called and is nagging and I wish someone was here so that I don't need to confront my inner fears and over-think and can act like everything is dandy.

I just feel that I'm jumping into so many things so quickly that I'm gasping for air.

On the other hand I tell myself that I am experiencing life as she is now, without the cold of course, and I will emerge stronger than before.

I need to listen to Boston so so badly.

Space in the clearing

2010-08-29T15:11:00.002+08:00

Filing letters, keeping books back into shelves where they will not be touched.

Clearing the clutter on my work desk (not that I've done any work there).

Things look unchanged, but it feels foreign.

Discarding a ferris wheel, several knick-knacks I had since Primary school.

Cleaning the dust that gathered after months, perhaps years.

Reorganised, in a new, unfitting box.

Deleting old hopes and dreams, creating folders to store them out of the way.

Listening to new songs, making space for incoming work.

Looks too uncluttered for anything.

Why do I feel like I've lost more than I have gained?

I think I'll go to Boston

I think I'll start a new life

I think I'll start it over

Where no one knows my name

I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset.

-Boston, Augustana

2010-08-26T22:56:00.002+08:00

Hello.

I'm beginning to lose that dull excitement.

Because everything is repeatedly said and nothing is done and I'm losing faith.

On an entirely different note, timetable planning is a bitch.

Almost all the courses I want to take are hotly contested, but that's okay, since that can be expected because they are the more interesting-sounding ones.

What I cannot stand is the History and Literature modules I want to take MUST clash with my Core modules.

And it is particularly frustrating for Literature since it is the module that is a pre-requisite for ALL other Literature modules.

And the History modules I can take are either super late (until 8pm) and/or I suspect for Year 2 students.

What's with NTU behaving like NJ?

Oh yes, both of them are so sciencey.

My goodness oh why do I always make such choices?

stfu & gtfo

2010-08-22T22:47:00.006+08:00

Hey.

Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

1. I didn't cry because I didn't make it to the airport in time. I cried because I was frustrated and I wasn't throwing a temper. You didn't have to scold me that badly. I hate you for just scolding me without understanding anything.

2. Stop being so relaxed with your time. You aren't in a hurry but others might be.

3. I want to see you talk to you now. I hate the increasing distance between us. And I don't know if I can bridge it or not.

4. Congratulations, friend in a high place (well higher than me)

5. I'm sorry for pangsehing you. I didn't know it would be like that.

6. Thanks for the HP7 book! And see you later!

7. Please let us stick together on the first day of school.

8. I feel like we've became strangers who happen to know how each other are like.

9. Honestly. Are you T?

10. I wish I can talk to you without being scared and ask if you remember that fateful incident.

F-, last week till school starts.

There are so many things undone.

Grugh

2010-08-15T23:54:00.002+08:00

Hello.

Drank traditional Vietnamese drip coffee.

Aromatic but too acidic.

First two hours: Struggling to drink it all.

Next two hours: Started being distracted from my book (Alice in Wonderland)

After reading and walking away: Brain still stuck in Wonderland and thinks everyone around me is weird.

Walking to the bus stop: Heart starts beating hard and faster.

Bus ride home: Heart continues to beat rapidly. Stomach filled with gas.

Next four hours: Slight headache and still bloated stomach.

I hate being over-caffeinated.

2010-08-10T22:02:00.008+08:00

Hello.

I am an extremely insecure person.

Met Oddy for Aston's and video renting on Wednesday, before meeting W to begin our movie marathon of sorts.

Due to my insistence, we watched 500 Days of Summer first.

Extremely pretty JGL. Felt that it was rather draggy though.

Then Edward Scissorhands, whose setting made me feel just... uncomfortable.

The colour symbolism and all.

Couldn't find a character in the movie who I can relate to.

And then there was 21.

Whose main character's no-money-for-Harvard-Med-woes I can so relate to.

Not that I am even qualified to go to HM, but, in my context.

Like you study so freaking hard so that you can go to somewhere you really wanna, and you are let down by something so banal as... cost.

And you are dependent on a scholarship which you don't actually want to get and all...

Its just so frustrating.

Stupid stupid stupid costs and all.

Although I should be blamed myself for not trying harder, I guess.

Thinking about this makes me feel so exhausted.

W stayed for dinner and it was fun, bitching and talking after that :3

Today was spent eating a seafood lunch buffet (burps) and going to Suting's place to watch A Walk To Remember.

Which touched me more when it was focusing on the familial ties than the romance between the boy and girl.

Still, not bad since I wanted to watch it since sec one.

My parents were surprised I can remember the exact date D flew.

My shoulder is extremely stiff, I don't know why, and I want to go to Liang Court for coffee tomorrow.

Two rather busy, well-spent days with friends but why am I feeling so so empty?

I need some epic love story to give me a catharsis.

they got nothin' on you

2010-08-09T21:38:00.003+08:00

Hello.

The short stay at MBS had good company.

But I am so so tired from this.

Good time using the Nespresso machine (complimentary capsules!) and drinking TWG tea (complimentary as well!).

And going around with Ryan and Juls and her friends.

Note to self must stop making funny faces.

Even if I think its cute it obviously isn't.

Back to smiling placidly and my ctrl c + v smile.

The pillows were way too soft and everyone else in my room gambles.

Which resulted in me being unable to go to sleep at 3am, and when I was finally asleep, the gamblers came in and woke me up at 4am.

Took me another hour to go back to sleep.

Before waking up at 7am for a swim.

I can't swim for nuts.

And MBS has too little affordable food stalls.

The view, though, makes up for almost everything.

her eyes everywhere in the world

2010-08-05T23:40:00.006+08:00

Was tidying my drawer, saw the letters you wrote to me and couldn't help but think of stuff we did together.

Today is one of those days that I feel like trying anymore.

Because we are so so different and the more I cared, the less at ease I felt.

You know its love when you see the world in her eyes, and her eyes everywhere in the world.

- David Levesque

Its pretty funny how people in the know are rather cautious at the mention of your name.

I'm alright, really. I don't mind talking about you.

Or even want to talk about you.

And this, like everything, will pass.

Dreary

2010-08-04T23:25:00.004+08:00

Hello there.

Shopping trip today with Oddy has yielded much.

Tank top and jeans from Bugis Street (I can actually shop there when there is no one!), shorts from Topshop, white gold chain from Goldheart.

Surprisingly no books from Prologue, Kinokuniya and Harris.

(Sort of) shopping trip with CM resulted in a scotchtape refill and two comic books.

A coffee maker and an umbrella was thankfully paid for by my mother.

I feel dreadfully cashless now.

My bank account has never been depleted so much in two days.

I need money but I don't want to ask my parents for it rawr what to do!

Its only a month to school I don't want to work as well.

NTU PVS FOC (=Nanyang Technological University Photography Videographic Society, hope I got it right) was last weekend.

Looking at expensive cameras and lenses and got to know school mates.

And got lots and lots of mosquito bites my legs are damn ugly boo.

I hate it when my parents take my money to go invest in shares.

Its like gambling (to me) and its my future you are gambling with, for goodness' sake.

Tomorrow I plan to:

Make a good breakfast with tea/coffee and yogurt with bananas,

Submit my GIRO form,

Go gym.

At least its a free trip to school.

Australiaaa.

2010-07-28T16:22:00.002+08:00

Full Australia story here and here. In two parts.

From a fic

2010-07-26T19:47:00.002+08:00

Tell me you know what it's like to have someone leave when it burns out your heart till you're a hollow shell.

Tell me you had to build yourself back up from pieces, because I was as much a part of you as you were a part of me.

Tell me the sun never shone til today.

2010-07-12T21:26:00.002+08:00

Hello,

Here it is, GirlFriend Of The Night, camwhorish photos.
Haha I feel like I'm making some horrible home video /:

See see? Short hair!

Anyway when a couple gets together everyone seems to be congratulating them.

But who cares about him/her that likes one half of the couple?

Who will be there for them when they need a shoulder to cry to?

Especially when they belong to the same group of friends and everyone just seems too... familar and involved.

): That sucks.

I wonder how does it feel when two relatively close friends get together.

How would you feel if we got together?

2010-07-03T23:29:00.002+08:00

If I were a cat, would you still like me?
如果我是猫,你还会喜欢我吗?
私は猫。あなたもう好きですか？
Si yo fuera un gato, ¿seguiria como yo?

I can't believe I'll be going to Australia in ten days, 14th July.
So many things undone.
Like, planning the trip. D:

2010-06-30T23:58:00.002+08:00

Hello.

I just puked. In the shower.
While brushing my teeth.
It reminded me of sundried tomatoes.
Sorry to whoever is turned off by the description and will never look at sundried tomatoes the same way again :p

But to puke out red liquid is scary. D:
And my stomach is still churning.

Oh and today my colleague was telling me that if she could, she would live life over again.
And perhaps live it differently, find another man to marry.
Which I thought was rather sad.

2010-06-28T23:03:00.003+08:00

I AM EXTREMELY ANGRY.

Some thing destroyed my roll of film when it wasn't even half used!
My goodness with the cost of that film aside, my pictures in that roll!

Was waiting for the class to start and took onepicture of the gym beside me, since I had nothing to do and wanted to test the shutter speed.
Then that thng probably saw me taking/another anal thing told him, so he got the gym personnel to accompany him and confront me, telling me that taking pictures there were forbidden.

Okay so firstly, I don't even know that rule and I was extremely apologetic about it.
Next, that picture did not even contain humans I was talking the ceiling and lights?!
I'm not interested in the stinking sweating, rotting bodies there.

So for that one picture, he demanded that I delete that picture.
It was just bad luck that I was using film and I tried to explain that it was film and I will just delete it when I got it or something but he rudely cut in and told me to pull the film out.

!!!!!!

ITS ONE MISERY PICTURE CONTAINING MORE OF THE CEILING THAN YOUR ROTTING BODIES AND YOU WANT TO PULL MY FILM OUT.

Tried to explain and stop him again but he insistedon it and even threatened me with a 'You are from NJ right?' and glared at me like what?!

ARGH if I wasn't in my fam tee I would have burst into tears and attracted attention that I'm defenseless and getting bullied by them and what the hell even cursed back at him or something.
I would just stand up against him but I hate that I am so much of a wimp URG.

To think that I was so patient and apologetic at first and he didn't even care, just kept demanding and demanding and being so rude.
That thing was probably one of those people who think that students are all young and foolish and irresponsible because he was probably like that in the past.
Took pictures of girls secretly, perhaps?

So I actually, argh, took out my film and wanted to put it down but he snatched it away from me and pulled the whole thing out.

I nearly cried. I really felt like it.
The cruelest thing you can do to me, I realise, is to treat my pictures like that.
If less than a half roll was that bad, I don't know what I'll do if its a full roll.

So he pulled it out, threw it back, and strode away.

I wish with all my might something you value will get destroyed right before your eyes as well and you will know how terrible terrible it feels.

秘密不能成立

2010-06-27T01:07:00.010+08:00

我是个成功的案例，还是一个失败的遗憾？

1 既然生命还没结束，这个问题还不可以回答，应为搞不好我在十六年后会变成一个伟大的***。
2 这个问题太过广，要看在什么领域。

但我现在，觉得自己是个失败者。

你离开
外面的世界很精彩吗？

My world is a blank wall with brown floor and people walking past in muted, unsaturated colours.
And I wonder if I'm the one who failed/didn't bother to stay in touch.

Its fucking scary how I can identify with F in a fic when he sleeps around and bear abuse just to forget T because he loves him too much and it hurts too much seeing T going around with another when he still loves T.

I really want to make new friends and get myself out of this rut of insecurity and keep my thoughts private without wanting to scream them out and imploding inside because there are too many unnecessary people that I don't want to care when those that are supposed to are not doing anything.

GRAHHHHHHH.

2010-06-22T21:05:00.002+08:00

Hello via the floor of my room with my Macbook pro on the blue beanbag and the PC is rotting at the side.

Shall figure out how to transfer files soon!

I am still no very accustomed to the Mac.

Need my windows control shortcuts... Still.

Shall go prowl the Apple website for solutions then!

2010-06-20T11:53:00.003+08:00

Hey.

One day when I was thinking about my pending unemployment (in both fronts) I was shocked to find that I couldn't think of anything to do.

Like of cos going out and having fun and spending money (shit no more money) applies, but what else?!

So I shall attempt to plan my post-working life here haha I sound like I'm super no life ):

To read the many many books that I've bought since the end of A's and have not got down to reading them yet.
To spend more time with YT YJ CM before they all enter univ and leave me alone ): Like play the railway game and mahjong.
To spend more time with theTen!
To plan a primary school dinner/lunch outing.
To walk to the back of MGS and take pictures of the field before the horrible new condo goes up.
To go to Shenton Way and take pictures of the area.
Plan the Sydney/Melbourne outing!!!

Really, anything to distract me from the fact that I won't be going to Comms camp and will be stranded friendless and be some social outcast for my next four years greattttt.

Okay can't think of anymore things to do.

Feeling so discontented.

Viajar

2010-06-13T11:31:00.005+08:00

I think that when we go to new places, for the first time, we should read up and go on a guided tour.

(Or at least have guides of some sort.

No matter how everyone blasts guided tours.

They exist for a reason.)

When we go back, we should read up more and go for a free & easy.

Don't question why, its just a thought.

And I think I am an overly-cautious person.

I want to be a tour guide.

everybody's changing, so why not us?

2010-06-10T00:30:00.011+08:00

dim light; bare walls;
me; you.

(
hello, sit down,

i've got tea and scones,

and you're got nowhere to go
)

2010-06-06T23:38:00.004+08:00

I always wonder if people feel assured when they are with me.
(I really want an answer, so feel free to do so on the tagboard.)

But why do I always feel that you are so distant from me, and the person I want to assure the most is you?

Perhaps it isn't just a want but a need, an obsession to make you dependent ever so slightly on me, and you're just smart enough to run away fast enough.

I am feeling tired of trying to hard.

And I'm tired of whoever is taking me for granted.
I am not a replenish-able supply of cheery smiles and 'how are you's' and ''do you need help's'.

I need someone who will stare into the silence with me and make me feel comfortable.
Or perhaps a shoulder to lean on.

Redirect!

2010-06-03T02:04:00.004+08:00

Hello.

Taiwan/HK trip continuation on LJ because LJ has cuts and would not look so cluttered.

And this is cute:

Saw it once but lost it.

Glad I found it again, kinda.

The music doesn't match though.

From a fanfic:

It felt like jumping off a cliff, unsure if he was about to be dashed against jagged rocks. But this was Fuji, and there was no one else in the world he'd rather take a chance on.

¿Como dejar de amarte?

2010-06-01T00:06:00.006+08:00

Random floating things:

(Don't like spamming twitter so I shall put them here)

1. I can't say that I'm working so hard for our future because we don't have a future together.

4. I need to make concrete Sydney/Melbourne plans.

6. I really think that three is a crowd. And I don't really like going out in big groups (more than four people).

8. I shall use the computer less and sleep earlier today.

9. I want to write a Perfect fic about Things People do when they miss Someone.

10. Shopping alone at Kino is bad for my wallet. Or shopping alone in general.

12. On my way to Kino today I was putting together a mental list of 'What my previous relationship taught me'.

13. Mi casa ideal tiene un tú, y las mascotas dos.

15. Just because I don't whine and complain doesn't mean I don't want you here with me. Just because I don't ask and demand doesn't mean I want to be left alone.

TW/HK Day Two

2010-05-28T11:50:00.003+08:00

Hey.

On the second day of the trip my uncle's very nice female cousin drove us to 淡水/八里!

Stopped at this place to have breakfast, 阿给 and fishballs!

Haha its super yummy vermicelli again!

And then we went to this ex-colonial house where the Dutch used to live in (if I'm not wrong).

It was red, and very unimaginatively called 红馆。

Reminded me of the HCM lodgings in Hanoi, heh.

It was pretty well reserved, but the restoration seemed half-hearted since a few rooms were left empty and ugly.

But the place had a wall/space to hang your written wishes at.

Haha sucker for these kind of things.

Obviously not mine.

Then we went to Fisherman's Wharf!

My favourite place in Taiwan for the trip.

Partly becos I was left alone there while my relatives walked around.

And were people singing live and the breeze and the alfresco dining area and it was just very comfortable (:

We went to 淡水老街 and started shopping.

So many people on the weekend )<

This trip has made me some to the conclusion that I really cannot stand street skin-to-skin-sweaty-arms-pushing shopping.

Urgggg which sucks becos that's where the bargains were.

So I either bought things from concrete stores or accessories at those street stores becos it was the easiest to.

Since I didn't have to try or anything (the accessories aren't for me anyway).

Or food. Yeah that was easy to buy as well becos there was so much :D

淡水老街 was exhausting, slept in the car before we reached 十三行博物馆.

Which was an archeological museum depicting the people who used to live there in the early centuries.

Can't remember much from there becos I was still asleep, and the museum was rather stuffy since there were so many people.

(Free admission on a Sunday.)

The exhibits didn't interest me much, and the only thing I can still remember was that the place was called 十三行 because in the Qing Dynasty (I think) the people who lived there were all engaged in thirteen trades.

Don't really understand why. /:

Ah well ate after that.

Stinky toufu (which did not really stank) and pig's blood (which was really weird) and oyster/prawn omelette (which was really really different from the Singaporean ones).

Haha rather liked the toufu.

On the way to cousin's house we stopped at the roadside because someone started roasting chickens.

Haha super random and we bought one back for dinner. :D

Apparently the little shed behind the huge tin ovens contained loads of marinated chickens.

Went to 士林夜市 after her house.

Had fun with the shooting game, when you had to shoot balloons with toy guns.

Was accurate for 17/20 shots teeheee.

Okay not extremely zai but I won something haha.

Bought t-shirts and walked around, wanted to buy a pair of converse high-cuts but there were either too small (in TW) or too big (in HK).

So I bought a pair of the same colour in the normal cut.

We were all pretty tired so went back after getting the famous extra-big chicken cutlet.

Which was really really guilt-inducing.

TW/HK Day One

2010-05-25T23:36:00.005+08:00

Hello.

I've got so many things to do that I am feeling quite tired already, without doing anything.
My bed looks like a war zone now, floor scattered with various souvenirs and work table... is terrible.

But I shall blog before my impression of the trip fades away.
Felt that the trip was too long, and just... shopping most of the time.
I want to see sights, but feel bad dragging my relatives around with me.

Anyway on the 14th we reached Taoyuan International Airport in Taiwan.
It was older-looking than I thought.
Perhaps I am too used to Changi, and HKIA looked great.
Plus Taiwan is pretty developed so didn't expect the airport to be rather bare.

It was raining then. And felt cool.
The hotel room was spacious, with a fake sunset as our window view.
The real view was a block of badly maintained flats.
Still, pretty garden downstairs.

Went for dinner with my uncle's cousins.
Rather yummy food yay the trip made me like vermicelli :D

After dinner walked to The National Concert Hall, which was really beautiful at night.
With its oriental facade it looked rather regal and intimidating.
There is one building supposedly for plays/musicals, while the other was for concerts.
In the day there is this guard-changing ceremony but we didn't catch that.

Walked to supposedly the best xiaolongbao in the area, at this roadside stall which only opens at night.
They also had this steamed clams dish which was really good yay I love crustaceans.
My uncle's cousin turned out to be really picky about food, so he knows where are all the yummilicious stalls.
Yay for us!

After that walked to 师大夜市 where my uncle got pickpocketed of his phone. )<
It was really squeezy, nearly skin to skin but it didn't feel that bad as Singaporean fleas becos it wasn't as humid.
Had a humongous cup of milk tea at only $2! :D
Taiwan is milk tea heaven yay.

Returned to the hotel after midnight.
And passed a cafe I wanted to go to after the night market.
But didn't go in/it didn't look like what I expected so yeah.

Alright that's all for day one I shall attempt to tidy up some of the mess now and do Spanish homework.

An update of sorts

2010-05-21T01:21:00.002+08:00

Hello.

After four days of internet-less-wilderness I finally got the Internet at $50 for 24hours.
Drats, not free wifi sucks.

But coming online proved to be a wrong choice.
Talking to ph and cm was a short respite from the lack of contact, but reading about frinds' recent activities made me feel left out to a certain extent and isolated in this strange land.
(There is no where like Singapore.)

I've left Taiwan and am currently at HongKong's Nathan Hotel.
The streets, like Taiwan, are packed and dusty.
There are too many street markets, too little affordable air-conditioned places (this impression might be due to my travel companions' inherent dislike for anything remotely expensive).
Despite that, shopping has been okay, mostly edibles to be distributed between relatives and colleagues back home though, not much of my personal stuff and/or friends' souvenirs.

Taiwan had rather interesting shops though, especially at South Zhongxiao Dunhua Road, 161 alley, where the vibe is like Haji Lane and Ann Siang.
Which was very very up my alley.
My second favourite place is the Fisherman's Wharf, with its alfresco sitting and free music :D

I feel detached - from everybody back in SG, as well as my travel companions.
This gives me time to be more introspective about the trip so far, and analysing the people around me.
And there is this sense of being left behind.

Well, yum cha in the morning with my uncle's sister who lives in HK, before Adidas and Nike warehouse (I think).
I hope the day is gainfully filled and we'll be happy and buy things instead of lazing around in our hotel room like the past few days (although I don't mind the bed).

I wonder if someone needs me as much as I need you.

Pre-trip 101

2010-05-14T22:20:00.002+08:00

Hello.

Am feeling rather panicky now.

Wondering what have I forgotten to pack/do/prepare.
But I like packing, haha I really do.
Especially if the future promises surprises.

I don't know why I want to hurt myself by looking at pictures of them.

I want to write a TezuFuji fic before I leave.
Ah, we'll see how that goes...

I'll miss you, and CM Y2s, W, Oddy, chongwu, mummy.
Work has made me seem like I don't have much friends.

Sigh all those who feel forgotten please date me out after I come back!

I think Volleyball has instilled in me an (irrational) fear that I will be forgotten once I stop having contact with people/things I care about.
Hate that.

Dance

2010-05-10T23:36:00.002+08:00

Hello.

Work today was pretty bad.
Spent about the whole day photocopying (which is the usual) and somehow wound up with a headache the last hour of work.
The smell of cigarette smoke emitting from the lawyer seems more potent today.

But after work movie was good.
Watched Mao's Last Dancer with Shermain and Sophia.

The Lit student in me thinks that the movie is biased towards capitalism and denounces communism.
Well its a biopic by a Chinese man who took political asylum in the US, so that was to be expected.

But the dance moves were all so pretty!
And the way they portrayed the protagonist's fears, hopes and struggle with himself and his country was really poignant.
When you can just tell the pervasiveness of the Chinese government and how they instill their Communist ideals in the young and how intolerant they were.
Not to say that the US and their capitalism has no short-comings, but in comparison it does seem a whole lot better.

The movie didn't explain a few parts though so it was slightly choppy.
Shall go get the book to read yay.

Oh and returned home to surprises.
My ticket to Australia has been booked and a letter from WP.
Yay! (:

You always know when to write, just when I'm feeling lousy and doubting things.
I wonder if that is good or bad.

Silent

2010-05-08T23:01:00.002+08:00

Hello.

Today's encounter left me extremely drained - I have no idea out of awkwardness/fear/unworthiness.
At least I had a half-decent conversation with her.
But still, it was fraught with disappointments.
Is this our last meeting forever and ever?

I don't want to let it end like that I have so many questions so many things to clarify.
I want her to understand me while I want to understand her.
I don't want to get used to how we drift from people to people as we pass through stages of our lives.
It would be too, too cruel.

So how many people will care, how many will remember?
Am I just a name on paper?
Just a mere statistic, just a trembling girl.

Julia says SCI is mainly project-based and orientation is important so that you'll find your future project-mates.
Will probably go for orientation if I can make it but I don't want to reschedule Australia trip becos of it.
How many things have been rescheduled until they just die off?
So sick of that, too sick.

Feeling rather angst.
Would love anyone who delivers a iced green tea latte to me now.

Jumbled

2010-05-08T00:15:00.004+08:00

Hello.

Thought about stuff at work today, since photocopying doesn't use much brain capacity.

It's amazing how there is a tiny part of my brain that is always thinking of her.
Like you know, how parents look out for their children?
Haha not that I think I can handle being her parent.

Melbourne trip sort of confirmed :D
From 14th to 24th July.
Must book tickets fast though, heh.

I like doing things in an organised way.
Like planning, listing sights before I actually go overseas.
Preparing the cameras I think I'll use.
Planning my outfits on the different days.
It makes my days predictable to some extent, but I feel much safer like that.

I am strangely sad that I gave up being non-conformist (as Pamela would put it) and chose a more practical route.
I guess deep inside there is a little me that wants a History/Literature Masters and working part-time at a bookshop.

I can't believe my office people, even Edwyna, thinks/thought I am an extrovert and sociable.

Decisions

2010-05-03T21:40:00.004+08:00

Hey.

The thing I remember most about primary school was my principal's last speech before he retired.
In his speech, he urged us, all foolish twelve year-olds then, to choose the path we want to go, and not what our friends want to go.
Which is like, choose your secondary school according to your abilities and not follow your fellow stupid twelve-year-old classmate blindly.

Since then, I have not really let my friends influence my school choices.
Not that there were many schools, of course.
There was only CH whom I was closer to in primary school who went to Cedar Girls.
And virtually none of my closer friends went to NJ.

So, why can't I do it now?

This terrible, terrible fear of being alone and and an outcast.
I don't mind solitude, but I dislike loneliness.

Mangaaaaa

2010-05-03T00:25:00.003+08:00

Hey.

It feels so anti-climatic that I am reading an awesome chapter of a manga that has moved me to tears, yet I have no one suitable to tell it to.

And why do men always place the world before themselves, while women place what they deem as important first?
Don't the men get it that 就算世界被拯救，没有你生命的动能，活在这个世界上也是白活？

Sighs sorry feeling illogical and judgemental and sentimental.

Anyway from a random Ouran thread, about the compatibility between an Aries-Aquarius pairing:

Those two will share a strong bond and will find it very easy to talk and share things with each other.

They are very different, but they complete each other very well.

There will be some kind of unavoidable duty that bind them together. (HAHA WTH?)

Because of their differences there can some arguements, but they will easily be solved and forgotten.

They will stimulate each other to change habits and situations.

They trust and respect each other very much.

In the end if both are willing to see through the bad parts the other might have and focus more on the good ones, this relationship can be one of the best matches ever.

The bad English makes it low on credibility but okay haha shall look out for an Aquarius boyfr.
Don't worry CM you are not my veggie.

Oh oh a little bit from the thread on Aries:

"Aries is the first of the twelve Western zodiacal signs. And although it comes first, it is often thought of as the baby of the family. Aries respond to stimuli in an impulse and headstrong manner. The complexities of cunning, deceit and duplicity don't appeal to Aries. The Aries person likes to operate out of righteousness (self- and other kind)[HAHAHAHA], wherein he feels safe. The danger is that he can also feel a mite too complacent."
The book gives an anecdote about a friend of an Aries betraying them on a job and the Aries never realizing until it is too late. I'm too lazy to type it all out, but it follows with...
"Don't fret, Aries. You are far from dumb. But you are sometimes blindly naive. Because you have no ulterior motives of your own and like to be "up front" about your personal wants and needs, other people's machinations baffle you."

我会有我的阳光道

2010-05-02T00:39:00.002+08:00

Hello.

In a terrible conflict now.

Oh NUS, why did you give me a place for FASS now?
Oh parents, why do both of you view rankings so highly?
Oh myself, why do you not have a clear goal in mind and know what you want to do ten years later?

I only know that failure is not an option, and whatever I do, I must stick with it for the rest of my life.
And that the only thing I want to do is to take pictures, write what I want, brew and drink tea and travel.

Freelance travel photo-journalist? Or just a taitai. /:

2010-04-24T00:09:00.004+08:00

Hello!

Family dinner at Turf City today.

It was a rather tiring one.
Since its the supposedly crucial period when I DECIDE WHAT I AM TO DO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
Oh, the horror.

(On a sidenote, during work today I've decided that my life ambition would be to have time to slowly brew tea and read and write [anything] everyday.)

Everyone keeps asking me about Law and well, although I wasn't especially upset I didn't get selected in the first place, its starting to get to me.
Grr how many times do you want me to repeat 'I'm not clever enough' to you?

Plus plus oh-goody-underlying-tension and snide comments and pushy relatives.
Perfect.
Had a good Misc.-NJ talk with R though.
If R and I look alike and girls think that R looks good, does that mean girls think I look good?
Okay... Not good.

Oh today work sucked too.
My immediate in-charge was on urgent leave, and didn't really leave me much to do (or so I thought).
Was on twitter/tumblr when my boss walked in and I guess she saw.
So she started asking me to do things and to disregard my superior's instructions and listen to her.

It sucked because I hate being caught between my boss and immediate supervisors and she leans to leans towards me when she speaks, and its really too close for comfort.
Goodness I don't really want to know which perfume she is using and if she brushed her teeth.

And its so... typical old person! Okay sorry stereotyping.
Like kept going on and on and on repeating info/commands for the nth time slowly and all.
Cannot stand it.

I love my grandma she doesn't nag at me.
Well probably because I won't understand but still!

And oh yes one last office rant : Permanent staff just do not respect part-timers and disregard our presence.
Like FPOL! Staring blatantly over me to look at my files when I am freaking in front of her.
Like whattheshit it was so uncomfortable.
And touching my files when I am not at my desk.
Like FPOL if they get lost you should go chop off your hands.
Plus some lecherous old man who keeps flirting with the secretaries (I guess I'm too young/boyish for him to notice).
Totally ignores me and uses my desk phone for his personal calls.
And I have to pick up his call (when the other person on the land was prob too shocked that it is not HIS personal line and did not speak. So I just hung up on person.)

Rawr.
Lawyer big ah. Can be my grandfather big ah.
Respect should not depend on age, but should only be given to the deserving.
Both of you are not worth my respect.

Okay ranted.
Don't sue me (the downside of working in the law firm. Fear of being sued.)

I returned late

2010-04-22T23:45:00.005+08:00

Hey.

When I reached home today my parents confronted me about the lateness and reminded me how frequently I am going out and returning home late.
(I.e. after 10.30, 11pm? idk.)

Just felt very apologetic to them, with a tinge of rebelliousness.
They were probably worried because I would usually call if I am this late.
And I didn't hear my father's calls to me.
So, yeah, sorry about that.

But I resent them trying to control me like some irresponsible twelve year old kid.
Not that I think returning late = grown up. Stupid assumption.

When I'm out late I was probably enjoying the times spent with my friends, and hence forgot the time.
Not to say I'm blaming my friends for my recent behavior, but rather, myself.
That the lack of school has made me less disciplined and 明知道这是一种堕落，但还是放任自己这么做。

But sometimes when work sucks, people you meet daily just makes you think too much and you're starting to feel tired of them/feeling that way, you need something to vent your frustrations on.

Stop stop stop depriving me.

脱下长日的假面奔向梦幻的疆界

2010-04-18T23:56:00.008+08:00

Hello.

I went to Mayday's concert yesterday!
Being a speck of sodapowder, it felt rather mixed being there.
Not only because of the two band's supposed rivalry, but, idk?
Like it made me want to watch Sodagreen live all the more.

Enjoyed the concert!
And yeahh I listened to Mayday since I was P5 so their songs brought back memories. (:
And and they are so nice to emo to hahaha.
Since our seats were lousy I spent more time stoning/closing my eyes and listening to the music than actually trying to see them, luhz.

And and and there was fireworks!
:D :D :D

最怕此生已经决定自己过没有你
却又突然听到你的消息

等待我请等待我
直到约定融化成笑颜

穿过半个城市
只想看你样子
这一刻最重要的事
是属於你最小的事

Anyway on a more personal note,
have not been feeling all too well lately.
Random bouts of headaches and nausea.
Shit what's wrong with me never felt like this before.
Over-worked?
Just a thousand more before I quit the day job!

与你的离别
是为了期待下一次的相遇

Now

2010-04-17T00:28:00.002+08:00

Hey.

At present, feeling
excited becos I'm going to cut my hair tmr.
ZYJ hair again! Yay!
excited becos of the HK/TW trip and possible Melb trip!
excited becos I'm making something!

tired becos of work work work work work work work.

guilty becos I spent a lot of money recently, and will spend more soon.
guilty becos I'm spending my dad's money.
guilty becos I can just drop everything just to see you.

angry at myself becos of my obsession/devotion.
angry at you becos you are either oblivious/hiding from everything.

:<:

Random rambles.

2010-04-15T22:44:00.005+08:00

Hello!

Spent a lot a lot today!

But am happyz (:

After work went to Trolley to get the retro-looking speaker-amplifier :D
It. Is. Pretty. Really pretty. I tell you :D

Then decided to walk to Ann Siang since dinner date was cancelled.
And since Ann Siang was near Tanjong Pagar got reminded of Inez and asked for dinner.

Went to all the shops I wanted to go! (Sort of.)
Kki + little drom store, BooksActually, Books in the Woods.
And bought stuff from all of them arghhhh. /:
But I like my purchases.

About to go home when Inez called me and we decided on a spontaneous dinner!
Wanted to walk to Vanilla for dinner but Inez got tired and we just ate at the MRT station.

Teeheeeeeee and talked and talked and talked.
Its bliss.

To some extent I'm glad dinner appointment got cancelled. :D

Oh yes!!!
I was walking to Ann Siang when I saw three cats!
So stopped and started taking pictures of them :D :D
Two of them were ashy-dark orange-black while the third was black.
Pictures all blurred though arghhh.

Idk if I'm not used to my new camera or is my old one just better. /:

Cats! Refusing to face me though.

Embarking on a short but interesting new idea.
Wish me luck! Can't wait!

Has great friends

2010-04-07T00:32:00.003+08:00

Hello!

EDIT!

Had an awesome Friday night as well!
Thank you to Edwyna and Hwee Meng for surprising me (:
And finally went to Food for Thought! Haha.

They tried to drag time (I think) and brought me around Bugis before finally going to Swensens becos Edwyna wants to get dessert.
And A01 was there! (: (:
Thank you Wantian Zhixin Yi Tong Yi Jun Chuanmin!
For spending so much moneyzx and staying out so late!

Sometimes when my friends treat me so well I'll just feel so awfully guilty.
Like I've never been such a nice friend for them before.
And it strengthens my resolve to become a nicer person and a better friend for them when they need me (:

I've got to say a huge, hugeeee THANK YOU for everyone who bothered wishing me/meeting me today!
Especially all those who were cold and tired and hungry but but still bothered,
THANK YOU!

I feel really really lucky and blessed, really.
Must have done truck loads of good deeds in my past life (if there is such a thing) to deserve to know such nice and kind people.

I might not have the most friends in the world,
but I'm really sure I've got the nicest and kindest of them all.

(:

):

2010-04-04T22:56:00.006+08:00

Hey.

Mint (my male hamster) was a naughty ham right from the start.
Could still remember when both of my hams were in a tiny cage, Mint would bully and attack Pepper (female ham).
And Pepper would be covered with wounds all over. ):

Later he kept pouncing on Pepper to uh, have non-con with her.
):
Until I separated them last year.

Recently he kept shitting and peeing where he shouldn't.
Like his second floor tunnel, and running wheel.
It was such a bitch to clean up after him.
Especially the wheel, becos he would run on it after peeing.

Today I found him dead at his favourite sleeping corner.
Can't say I'm surprised I guess.
Friends' hams had been dying one after the other, and I guess he can be considered to have lived to a ripe old age.

Its just how ridiculous death seems.
I prodded him a little to try and wake him up, but he didn't respond.
He wasn't cold yet, like how books always describe the dead, just, hard.
Ridiculously hard and stiff.
Picked him up to bring him downstairs to bury him, and he just stayed in that position.
No saggy limbs, no flop of the tail or ears. (Too short anyway.)

Went down with my mother and dug a hole at the back.
Such a small hole. And it fitted him perfectly.
Placed him in the hole and he tumbled in, looking perfectly snug.
I laughed at how ridiculous it was.
How death is so un-understandable yet... oddly fitting.

My mother started to say some ridiculous stuff, which made it all the funnier.

But there is this sharp, acute sense of loss, that I can't fathom.
I remember reading a poem about how a little boy grieved for his dead dog and yet could not understand death. (Which, in retrospect, seems ridiculous. How can something you don't understand make you sad?)
But I guess this is how that feels.
This sharp, sharp loss.

Dear Mint I always liked you less than Pepper becos you're such a mean little ham, but I love you too.
You probably taught me more things that Pepper, so thank you.
And may you rest in hamster heaven.

In a completely separate note, the future I have looked forward to for three years has finally arrived, but I lack the courage and parental support to accept it.
It feels like... Cedar and Dunman all over again.

Why do happy things accompany sad ones?

O:

2010-04-02T01:20:00.003+08:00

Yes, Google Chrome saves my life.
Thank you, Google!
I will not dislike you anymore.

Okay maybe that's exaggerated.

But its deathly irritating getting blocked to all my usual sites.
By Firefox and IE, grr.
And I keep getting warnings that my connection is insecure/the webpage does not have a secure certificate!
Help, anyone?

Work was ):
But after work was (: , as usual.

theTen dinner at Shokudo!
With Esplanade rooftop after that.
The first time I am returning home so late by myself.
Reached home when the clock struck twelve.
(Haha noob, but... )

I want to play Pokemon.
Plan TW/HK trip.
Watch vids.
Use my roll of film in bbf.
Buy flowers.
Get a foot massage.
Get a paper cutter.

Yawns.

To 期待 or not to 期待

2010-03-29T22:59:00.005+08:00

你好！

下个月要来了。
还蛮期待的，
又带有一点无奈。

又是一个没有你的生日
认真想，已经有两年没有和你过生日了。
最后一次和你庆祝虽然没有照计划进行，但是我最快乐的一年。
(Don't get why I was so emo though.
It must be your fault, L!)

很累，也很想念你。
一直都是这样吧。

也许，
没有期待就没有失望，
也可能有惊喜。
会吗会吗？
那我会让自己没有期待！

2010-03-29T00:28:00.003+08:00

Hello.

Time passes so fast yet so slowly.
Like the hours drag but the days and weeks zoom.

Teehee April is about to come!
Nats! D:

CatSoc just restocked two weeks ago!
So many pretty pretty things I want :3
Taobaoooo! Or maybe HK/TW has them as well?

And oh I bought a new camera!
Its a secret from my mother becos she'll killlll me for it.
Its damn pretty yo.

Gosh working tomorrow.
(What's new, lol.)
The thought of it makes me tired.
S:

I can't find my Pokemon Yellow! Grr.

2010-03-24T22:39:00.002+08:00

Extremely WTF?

Fine my mood swings faster than a... windmill in Holland when there is a tornado.

Rawr becos I read smth that sounded so... ungrateful and hypocritical that I am just, urg, now.

And why is everyone going/went to Melbourne.
So frustrating becos I wanna go too, damnit.

Serious neckache blah.

Being really snappish recently shitz.

:O

2010-03-24T00:04:00.002+08:00

Why is work so )))))):

But there are the (younger) co-workers to cheer me up, by looking at me laugh.
:D

And after-work outings and MSN conversations :D

Classic bit of today:

CM says: (okay children, today's word is, repeat after me, HIJACK!)

...

HIJACK!

:D

Decision.

2010-03-23T00:11:00.004+08:00

Hello.

I actually *think* I know what I want
But I don't know if I am able to achieve it.

And am probably too lazy to do it when the time comes.
And my parents. (Grr. Should stop using them as an excuse.)

Work today was horrid.
New office, new colleagues.
Or at least, immediate colleagues.

Made tons of mistakes, bothered the senior staff.
Wasted lots of paper ;_;
And got scolded by a client.

Sucks.

Looking forward to tomorrow to atone for my mistakes.
I will put in more effort tomorrow.

In retrospect,

2010-03-21T23:05:00.002+08:00

Heyo.

Thought of you, problematic one.
Wearing your yellow and playing with your ball.

Thought of how close we used to be, bonded becos of vb.
I was the one who dragged you in, and I'm unsure if I should regret that honestly.

Looking at those pictures makes me sad that we're no longer close.
& I'm sure it wasn't vb vs. shooting, or vj vs. nj.

But it was you who first backed out and well, things were never the same again.
And honestly, I find myself past caring or wondering.

Becos you are the kind of friend I can simply accept and let go without a fight.
Not becos I want to, but becos I've found greater, nicer people to be with.
That I won't fight to maintain what little we had.

Even though I was separated from most of my friends, I have no regrets.
Becos I was brought out of my comfort zone and there were no expectations.
No one knew me, no one cared.
And that made me dare to do more.

I can just imagine how I'll be like, with those awful expectations and the same crowd.
I would just be the same me that my present self would laugh at.

Plus yellow is not my colour anyway.

So I thought you would like to know,
no regrets choosing gray, no regrets choosing FWB 700.
Even though I feel like I've lost you.

Ouch.

2010-03-21T00:02:00.002+08:00

Hello.

I dreamt that I was studying in Australia last night.
I think I snuck there secretly, becos I was running low on cash, and I didn't know how to contact my cousins.
Strangely enough, I did not contact Denyse as well.
Was with some other people I can't remember, until my eldest cousin there found me.
And was bringing me to somewhere I can't remember as well.

But it felt so right, you know.
I think I even know what univ and course I was to study.
I wasn't scared at all, and I felt so so close to you.

If I talk real slowly, if I try real hard
To make my point dear, that you have my heart
Here I go, I'll tell you what you already know
Here I go, I'll tell you what you already know

If you love me with all of your heart
If you love me
I'll make you a star in my universe
You'll never have to go to work
You'll spend every day
Shining your light my way

If I talk real slowly, if I hold your hand
If you look real closely my love
You might understand
Here I go, I'll tell you what you already know
Here I go, I'll tell you what you already know

If you love me with all that you are
If you love me
I'll make you a star in my universe
You'll never have to go to work
You'll spend every day
Shining your light my way

遗憾

2010-03-18T23:58:00.005+08:00

别再说是谁的错让一切成灰

你总以为要体会人生就要多爱几回

莫非要你尝尽了苦悲才懂真情可贵

Kinda mixed about this MV.
Which probably should not be said here because I'll never know who might be reading this.
Well its like what I told CM and Inez.

Anyway its darn funny I was searching for this MV during work becos I wanted to know the title, then Pikachu was like, Abin got uncle face!
LOL.
Especially in the last few scenes :D

Today in great detail (relatively)

2010-03-15T22:18:00.006+08:00

Day 25 — Your day, in great detail (for my tumblr)

Okay today I reached Potong Pasir way earlier than normal.
Probably because it is the school holidays.

Realised I didn't wear my half-fish necklace which I was so used to wearing.
Felt choked, weirdly.

Went to work and struggled to keep up with my dad's pace becos my shoes are totally /:
Too big and too un-cushioned.
Was sweating by the time I reached Old Chang Kee where my dad wanted to have coffee at.

Wanted to meet Edwyna at the Arcade, but she got lost.
So we met at Raffles City MRT station instead.

Brought her to work, waited in the meeting room with her for Mrs Tan.

Started working and teaching her.
There was very very little things to do today, so slacked most of the time.
Pikachu was busy doing his packing.

Lunched with Ed and Pika, becos pq and MH was going to lunch with a friend, while the senior secretaries' didn't want to go out.
Ate at the very nice horfun stall!
Venison horfun is sedap!

Started raining really really heavily when we were going back.
Waited until we only had five minutes left, before running in the rain to get to the building.
Sucks was totally drenched.

Went to the toilet to get ourselves dry, but failed.
Went back to office and was commanded to dry ourselves at the toilet again.
Pq was super nice helped us to dry our shirts and got us clothes to wear.
I looked like a polar bear roar.

Oh yeah and I went into the toilet. /:
17th floor toilet. /: /:

Went back, sort of did work but really, nothing much today.
Walked around barefooted becos lousy shoes were wet.
Pika told me to stuff newspapers into my shoes.
Haha they became horribly shapeless.

Boss told me I might be transferred to the next office.
Grrrr I don't want to leave Ed and Pika and pq!
Especially pq she is like my guiding light.
):

Went back slightly later becos we had last minute stuff to do.
Walked to station with Pika and Ed.

Met Shermin at Bugis MRT, waited for Mujia and Weiling.
Wanted to find a cafe but got lazy, so ate at library's Hanis.
Alfredo with ham, again.

Gossiped. HAHA.
About a lot of unrelated people I realise.

They say I don't talk about D often.
Or they don't hear me talk abt her.
Huh but I think I do?
Maybe not to you all but on my blog/livejournal.
And I think people are tired of me whining about her haha.
Oh welllll.

Parents fetched me home for Lib.
Dad has to go back to office and he isn't back yet.
Something about calling New York for idk what.
I hate his boss, such an asshole.
And the lady boss, bitch.
To think I pitied them.

Sudden urge to listen to 蕭敬騰.

Note to self:
Buy eyedrops.
Should I buy new Apple earphones? I want leh!
Must. Tidy. Desk. Its starting to block my computer screen.
Buy something energy boosting for dad. Like maybe Ginseng tea.
Must save money. (contradicts new earphones.)
突然一阵感伤 ):

Week Two

2010-03-10T23:06:00.005+08:00

Hello.

End of the second week of being a cubicle rat.
Wow. I don't stay in my (non-existent) cubicle much though.

Okay anyway my job, if I have not said before, is a uhm lawyer's secretary's assistant's assistant.
Reallyyyy reallyyyy down the pecking order, haha.
My job scope consists of photocopying, faxing, typing letters, sending out documents and whatever my senior tells me to.

The people there are... interesting.
And maybe I'm thinking too much but there seems to be a lot of competition going on.
Stressful working environment that luckily, does not involve the interns.

My favourite perm staff there is pqsenior :D
My shifu with Keed who taught me all the basics and give me work to do.
Sadly Keed left idk why. /:
But pq really takes care of me and all that so I'm very (:

My newest friend at work is my mom's ex-boss's son, Pikachu Little Lek.
He just joined this week and so he is learning the ropes from me. (HAHA)

He is a Pikachu becos he reminds me of Pokémon Yellow version when he follows me around when I show him the office/do stuff.
And its so amazing that we don't know each other at all despite our mothers being so close.
(Always had bad impressions of my mom's colleague's sons, lol)
And and we have so many similar interests!
Like sodagreen, Arsenal, photography...
Which is like wow I don't really have a friend who is so similar to me. :D

And and the senior secretaries are all very intimidating at first but I guess they get nicer :D
Such as G, and F, who retired. Urg.
And GG and I.

Okay I sound so gushy shall stop here.
But its a really interesting job.
(When we gush about Sodagreen/he tells me about Arsenal history and NS and ODAC)

I want to watch Moulin Rouge.
And Phantom of the Opera.
In film/play.

Who want to go watch To Kill a Mockingbird with me?
Or Little Red Riding Hood?
Doubt I'll be watching Animal Farm.

Sounds quite bimbo but I'm quite ): that there is no more WAHSBBT.

Grah.

2010-03-08T21:48:00.004+08:00

Hello.

I hate office politics/people's work attitude.
It makes me think that there is no warmth or kindness or decency left in the world.
Yes I know its not true but it really does seem so at that moment.

If I have my own shop/company in the future I hope I never do morph into one of them.
Cold and callous, callous and cold.
I want to know my workers, and be friends with them without losing their respect.
I want to know their children's names, and whether they are sportsmen/musicians or not.
And not maintain some horrid impersonal working relationship.
Coming from me, antisocial number one, it is quite something.

Trying hard to believe that 人之初性本善 and that beauty still lies in grown ups' souls.
Today made me sad and I have a terrible headache.

I want to cry too.
Not at the single sacrifice but for the general coldness.

Aftermath.

2010-03-07T00:51:00.011+08:00

Reactions after A's:

Satisfaction.
Disappointment.
Anger.
Resignation.

Actually anger was > than everything.
At people's insensitivity.
Well, its NJ.

Those who did well, congrats.
If you feel satisfied, good for you.
Who cares if you didn't get 4 H2 As?
There is always GP/PW which you all probably had one A in them.
Shut up okay I had all Bs for my H1s.

Those who did not do very well.
Ping me if you need someone to talk to.
I won't solve your problem, but I will give you a listening ear. Or ears.

Talked to YT, felt so much better.
Its not like I don't like you as a friend.
I just don't like your actions and to a certain extent, mindset.

When you fight against the system too much, your words just turn out to be cliched.
Try saying something original for once.

Give me some time, I'll return and not sound so... cynical.

Eeks.

2010-03-05T00:11:00.006+08:00

只是越看见海阔天空越遗憾没有你分享我的感动

Hello,______

I feel like crying now.
Don't know if its nerves or not.

Had A01 dinner just now.
Smth kind of upset me but yeah.
Shouldn't complain becos I'm just being sensitive.

Working is going fine, I'm liking the people more and more each day.
Especially pqsenior haha.
(Whom G&F say is P's gfriend goodness my respect for her will drop if that is the case, no offense to any of them.)
Gosh I think I'll miss working tomorrow, potential workaholic.

You know they say that distance makes the heart grow fonder?
I think that the deprivation of you just makes me turn to others automatically to make them fill in for you, and make myself think that I regard them the same as you.

Awesome.

2010-03-02T22:55:00.003+08:00

J.K.Rowling speaking at Harvard
Got it from Qixuan's lj.

Inspiring, especially now.

Fug you who are already accepted in unis and are flaunting it.

I can't help but admit that Law is a lucrative career that will enable me to give my family a good life.
And the timing of my job coincides with me telling my mother that Law is still open to me.
Perhaps I should actually listen to them and hope that I can enter.
(Or not. Sighs.)

Of office lunches and cubicles,

2010-03-01T22:11:00.003+08:00

Yowza.

I got my Tokyo Moleskine today :D
It isn't cheaper by a hugee margin but if you don't mind waiting and saving those extra bux its good to order from Amazon.

Ah first day of new job today.

Hmm I know I sound hypocritical, especially when I advise friends not to take on two jobs and when I say I wanted to concentrate on something/working for interest and not money.
But welllllll I was recommended so it wasn't nice to turn it down.
And I got to admit the experience attracted me.
Plus I agreed without thinking.
So yeah.

I don't know how to describe my job.
Well, the start of being a cubicle rat. Hohoho.

I must learn to be more outgoing, roar.
Probably known as the quiet/black-faced new worker.

The egg noodles at Lau Pa Sat is really, really bad.
Had the chemical taste that made me feel sick way after lunch and gave me a headache.

I wonder if I can eat a really heavy breakfast and not eat lunch.

Anywayyy there was this article about teenage pregnancy on Straits Times today.
That supports my theory on dating before 19 hohoho xD
I have a future in public policy! (Or not.)

If I could,

2010-02-26T22:16:00.002+08:00

Hello.

Yes today was quite epic.
Despite my hesitance to go out.
Thanks friends, for not judging.
(At least you all better not, heh.)

I mailed the first letter yay!
I hope it finds you well.

Gosh I love mail. Esp. air mail.
It feels like we're in a war and there are no other channels of communication except mail.
(Okay touch wood, but!)
How incredibly romantic that sounds except it is not.

Okay I should torturing my eyes by looking at FB profiles of irritating people hee.

(:

2010-02-22T23:01:00.007+08:00

Hello.

Tumblr is fascinating!
(Yes this is for you, CM.
And all those who are for images>words.)

Today I exercised with Chuanmin.
Need to exercise more often and not like...
Once in a purple moon.

Ran two rounds, 50 situps, 2min15sec plank, four games of pool, softball throwing, eleven shots (with two white, the horror).
They all went to waste with one honey milk tea, one passion-fruit green tea, one bowl of ramen, one iced tiramisu latte.

DD:

I feel sleepy and my face was flushed.
Refuse to believe that I have a how alcohol tolerance level.
Not that it matters becos I don't club nor drink often.

Wearing jeans when you're sweaty (or not feeling extremely clean) is uncomfortable.

I want to use up my bbf film soon so that I can develop them and use another roll of film.
Hellen brought back new film from Shanghai and I can't wait to try!
Oh and I realise professional film is so so nice.
Who wants to buy it for me :D :D Its so so expensive in Singapore and sooo cheap in Shanghai that Hellen bought idk how many but she isn't selling D:

Please hair dry soon I want to sleep before the living room lights are switched off.
G'night.

Missing you

2010-02-16T00:48:00.006+08:00

~~I promised myself that I will write this. Just give me an hour or so.~~

Actually, I needn't.
It will probably sound like our friendship ended because its such a emo, sappy post.
And hell no I won't let it end just because we're apart.
I hope.

Alright.

Sometimes I wonder why she is so important to me.
But having someone so important 也是一种幸福 (:

I miss you when you're here, I'll miss you when you're away.

Conflict

2010-02-09T21:43:00.008+08:00

Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table.
But you only want the ones
That you can't get.
-Desperado, Eagles

Hello.

We probably hate/am apprehensive of all others that are not like us.
Because it means that they are different, and you don't know exactly what they're thinking of.

Shooting today puts my case in point.
We simply dislike people or have a bad impression of them because we are too lazy to even try to know and understand them.
Instead, we take the shortcut out and brand them not our type of people/people we socialise with.
Giving rise to racial discrimination and I-don't-like-your-face-symptoms.
I admit I'm very guilty of the latter, ha.

Anyway today was rather sobering.
Nationals coming close (4th to 13th April) and there is a lack of commitment.
Or for some.
Those who care let the stress get into their heads.
Both produce the same results.

Do I need to reiterate how I detest people who don't put in effort and yet expect to be rewarded.
Its a vicious cycle - you don't put in effort, your captain/vice captain worry, they don't shoot as well, your team becomes weaker, you don't feel the need to put in more effort.
Well, it's all your fault and you blame others.

It was ironic how we broke up because I didn't have time for you because of shooting, just before my long shooting break.
Yay!

But it was nice talking to G.
Two years in the same club and we have never spoken to each other like how we did just now.
Shows that effort never comes in until it is too late.

It's -1 to 2 degrees celsius now in Tokyo what am I doing here!

Cansado (Tired)

2010-02-08T23:07:00.005+08:00

Hola!

Actually no I'm not feeling upbeat.

Currently very tired after a full day out.
Plus yesterday's rather packed day as well.
I'm getting old.

Dinner yesterday at Curry Favour was rather good :3
And JY is weirdly interesting company.
Walked all the way from Bras Basah to Ion!
Whootzi haven't done that in a long long time.

Ann Siang in the morning with Zhix and SeeM!
Lovely shops at Ann Siang and I bought more film :D
At The Little Drom Store!
I want to get a magnifying glass!

Then dinner with 4Z yay.
It was good catching up with people, laughing at silly antics and gossiping.

Really like The Little Drom Store.
The owners really took a leap of faith when they opened it.
With indie shops selling random knick-knacks like theirs closing down.
Casual poet, anthropology. ):
I wonder, if I'll really dare to set up a store like that.
And make sacrifices just to accomplish such a dream.

I don't like February more than I like it.
Friends and family going away, friends coming from afar.
Why can't everyone stay together and be happy?
I wonder if I'll need to leave too.

Dreading March.

"Out of my thoughts! You are part of my existence, part of myself. You have been in every line I have ever read, since I first came here, the rough common boy whose poor heart you wounded even then. You have been in every prospect I have ever seen since - on the river, on the sails of ships, on the marshes, in the clouds, in the light, in the darkness, in the wind, in the woods, in the sea, in the streets... Estella, to the last hour of my life, you cannot choose but remain part of my character, part of the little good in me, part of the evil."
- Pip, Great Expectations.

For all his shortcomings, Pip is actually such a weak, weak, pitiable boy.

计算着慌张

2010-02-03T00:02:00.008+08:00

到如今年复一年
我不能停止怀念
怀念你怀念从前
但愿那海风再起
只为那浪花的手
恰似你的温柔
-恰似你的温柔

I'm bored. Shall do taggy stuff again.
I think I've did this before, but oh well.

TEN RANDOM FACTS:

1. My Chinese used to suck really bad. Like those eighty plus marks in primary school, and I got scolded by my mother about Chinese almost all the time. That is, until I discovered the wonderful world of Chinese pop music.

2. My favourite classic ice cream flavour was influenced by my cousin. Because he liked chocolate a lot and I sort of decided I like it as well. The name of my blog was sort of linked to him too.

3. My reading habit was cultivated by my father. He used to buy me books and books of Enid Blyton and I kept reading until my mother threatened to throw away my books. Oh he was also the one who started me on comics (TCZ!!) and board games (reversi!!).

4. I like to collect things. Like, I try to buy the complete set of whatever I start collecting. If I can afford it. I don't know why. Just like the feeling of 'completeness' I think.

5. The first time I read The Little Prince was when I was in primary three or so. When I started raiding my cousin's bookshelf, and reading Red Sky in the Morning, A Child Called It etc. Got to admit I didn't really understand it at first. I only lasted until the Prince landed on Earth.

6. I don't like people who do not take their CCAs seriously. Or like train seriously. Please don't waste precious time and resources. You chose to be in the CCA, shouldn't you put in your all for it? Especially if you have a leadership position, then your responsibilities are greater and I don't see the reason to slack when normal members are putting in twice as much work as you are.

7. I hate supernatural books/movies/whatever. It was when I was about six or seven when my cousins and I would hang out in my uncle's room and one fine day he decided to expose us to Singaporean ghost stories. And I died.

8. I have a toy pig called 乳烙面包 and a rabbit called... Something related to food I can't remember. My previous mp3 was called Pea. And my hamsters are called Pepper and Mint. I think I have an obsession with naming my things after foodstuff.

9. I like cooking for myself. Because of the feeling of being in control, and that I can actually be self-sustainable. And I cook pasta with instant Muji sauce that is al dente ahahaha.

10. I will believe that the rose loves the little prince if you actually bother about me. Like take the freaking initiative to try and contact me in some way without me contacting you first. Perhaps then will I believe that the rose is not a selfish bitch who is simply manipulating the prince because he is wrapped around her little finger.

It's tiring how many rounds I've ran around you and you just stood in the middle.

P.S. W - I read your blog post! That's what friends are you la. Thank you for introducing me to the cool stuff in life yay (:

As CM aptly puts it: All I need is you needing me.

Somewhat in between

2010-01-29T00:21:00.010+08:00

Ano sa.

Went back to school today for tennis! With CM (:
Didn't play much though, I still feel super unfit.

Saw station games. And fake Fred Perry tees. And Ryan!
Haha I hope I didn't embarrass him too much.

I feel happy when I'm in the range and with the shooters.
Like how we are so linked to one another without being close.
Trying to go back tomorrow I hope my mother will be okay with it.

El Radio, Chris Garneau's album is running through my head, still.
Maybe I'm suicidal.

I want/need a shelf or big container to put all my comics.
So that my bookshelf can contain my mother books and cameras. :3

After the zoo and seeing Orientation, I'm really happy that I went to NJ.
And I'm glad I made good friends there. (:

What Prince Of Tennis Character Are You?
Hosted By theOtaku.com: Anime

YES YES YES \o/
Tezuka will you love me tooooo (:

I got Tezuka for the FB version rofl.

Am happy I bought this.
Impulse buy, what can I say.

At least it makes me happy from the stuff I had to put up with earlier.

I'm sorry I feel like a mean bitch and am sorry about that.
But this does not mean I condone the behavior.

Today I am happy becos:
1. I got off work early w/o feeling like a lightbulb.
2. 171 came fast today. (Had to run for it tho')
3. I gave up my seat to a relatively older lady. Yay I'm kind and gracious lol.
4. I saw a Japanese mother on the bus with her three daughters and one son. The kids were obviously too young to reach for the overhead handbars and were kinda stuck where they can't hold on to anything. So they just clung to their mother's arm. It was such a crowded bus that was stinky but they seemed so happy in their own world chattering to each other.

Mean things that weren't even relatively old didn't bother to give up their seats when the little kids almost fell.
5. BANANA NO NAMIDA STARTED PLAYING AFTER NO. 4. 8D

Hmm, does me giving up my seat give me the right to criticise them?

Tired.

2010-01-20T11:21:00.014+08:00

Image from here.

Ano sa...

Played pool with my cousins just now.
I'm happy that Fuji is good at pool.

She was found on the ground in a gown made at Valder Fields
And was sound asleep
On the stairs above the door
To the man who cried
When he said that he loved his life

-Valder Fields, Tamas Wells

Nice, whimsical lyrics.
Sigh, I love my workplace for playing such nice music.
And for introducing me to things whimsical and creative and all the indie-ness lying around us.

Okay and thanks W for introducing me to my workplace. (:

I remember last week, Saturday, at this time, we were sitting on the streets outside a desert shop eating unhealthy fried street food and wishing time wouldn't pass so quickly before setting off for a last spin through the cold and empty streets.
I miss Hanoi despite everything.

I sort of love blog posts like this when I expand it randomly.

Somewhat randomly tagged:

1. what is your current obsession?
Buying postcards. There are so so many pretty ones I want to get from Cat Soc but no money, sigh.

2. what are you wearing today?
Well, currently in fbts and cedar oac tee. Haven't decided what to wear out but it'll probably be knee shorts and a tee.

3. what’s for dinner?
Not too sure, its a potluck.

4. what’s the last thing you bought?
A photography magazine (:

5. what are you listening to right now?
Honey Bee by Zee Avi. Which just ended. So its Valder Fields by Tamas Wells.

6. what do you think about the person who tagged you?
Haha a complete stranger who creates awesome notebook doodles. I tagged myself actually.

7. if you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
First place that popped into mind is Barcelona, Spain.

8. one thing you wanna change about yourself?
Stop procrastinating.

9. if you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Tokyo, Japan. Haha, how cliched..

10. which language do you want to learn?
French/German.

11. what’s your favourite quote?
'In three words I can sum up what life has taught me:
"It goes on."'
- Robert Frost.

12. would you cook for me?
Tagger? Haha nope.

13. what is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?
I usually just shrink away because I'm too cowardly/chicken to confront them. Unless its really bad I guess. Haven't happened yet though.

14. what are you afraid of the most?
The unknown.

15. who do you want to meet right now?
Inez for dinner.

16. what is your favourite color?
Brown.

17. give us 3 styling tips that work for you.
Always wear something you're comfortable with.
Brown is a great colour.
Guys' shirts are nice and comfortable to wear. And I don't mean oversized shirts which some girls wear with non-existent shorts and look like a slut.

On a side note: There was this man who came to the shop yesterday who kept leering at the girls wearing over-sized shirts with micro-mini shorts. Blame must be equally split I guess, the guy is just lecherous and the girls are just looking for trouble. Or perhaps that was their intention anyway.

18. what is your dream job?
Currently having my own shop selling whimsical things that I like and writing freelance. (And being able to survive.)

19. what’s your favorite magazine?
The only one I consistently read is 8days.

20. if you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
Tamas Wells' A Plea en Vendredi = $27@CatSoc
Black Slim Devil film camera = $49@@Basheer
The 老情歌 and 'I love you' mini cards = $24.80@CatSoc.

I'll pay the $0.80 myself.

21. what do you consider a fashion faux pas?
Wearing too short shorts with big shirts and looking slutty.

22. who according to you is the most over-rated writer?
Non-twilight friends would say its Stephenie Meyer.

23. what brings a smile on your face instantly?
Postage for me. (That isn't a bill or credit card statement, urg.)

24. a word that you say a lot?
Orh...

25. what kind of haircut do you prefer?
Short hair! With long sides and non-sticking up top. I'm going to cut that next time.

26. what are you going to do after this?
Change hamsters' bedding? Or continue slacking until I'm forced to go out.

27. what do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?
Blog. Mull about it. Attempt other activities to make myself forget about it.

28. what makes you go wild?
I don't think I'm very wild.

29. what are your favourite movies?
世界の中心で愛を叫ぶ。　不能说的秘密。 (rofl)

30. what inspires you?
Interesting and creative things.

31. what do your friends call you most commonly?
Yans, YH..

32. would you prefer coffee or tea?
Tea. Green/Passionfruit/Breakfast/Lavender.

33. which other blogs do you love visiting?
CatSoc, friends on livejournal. There are auto updates so its quite easy haha.

34. favorite dessert/sweet?
Shaved ice with chocolate flavouring with a banana. :3

35. how many tabs are turned on in your browser right now?
Three on current brower. Five altogether.

36. when you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
My hair is sticking up again.

37. favorite season?
Winter. (:

38. one wish that you really want to see it come true?
It won't come true if I post it right?

39. what breaks your heart?
People trying hard and yet not getting what they deserve.

40. what's one thing you really want to do in life?
Live happily and do what I want to do even if it kills me.

Anyone wants to buy a Holga 135BC Snow Edition?
Details of the camera here.
Second hand, hardly used but I repainted the camera's bottom though won't change photo quality.
Going for $50.
Interested email me at kenji_sm46@hotmail.com

Hanoi, written and illustrated.

2010-01-17T17:26:00.007+08:00

Hanoi in interior monologue/stream of consciousness:

Cute Vietnamese boy behind Jiaomei while waiting for the plane!
Zomg we're taking a bus to the terminal!
Panic! WHERE IS OUR LUGGAGE.
Heh hotel guy actually came to pick us up.
Vietnamese frensssss!
Avalon for dinner! It's strange how we don't go to cafe/pubs in SG but yet are in one in Vietnam.
Walked three rounds around a pillar. Supposed to make our A's results better.
Green lights shining on trees should be prohibited.
Jiaomei wants to ride a scooter in Hanoi. Prays hard.
I don't sleep well in a foreign environment.
Morning! Breakfast with Duc, bun with 油条！ (I can't spell Vietnamese sorry.)
I wonder if all Vietnamese eateries/路边摊s are this... dirty looking.
Big big lake and a city in the middle for a turtle.
So many pretty flowers. PEOPLE GO AROUND IN BUNCHES OF ROSES DAMNIT.
Visiting temples and monuments.
Caramel and sticky rice ice cream and mint tea (which tastes like milk tea actually).
Church is only opened on weekends. What happened to Becket and church as a sanctuary?
Shopping at Duc and friend and brother's shops. Bought a cardigan!
Lunch! Nice cheecheongfan looking thing. According to Boo, they pump fish meat into something before steaming/frying it. Rofl.
Prison visit. I hate it. So depressing. ):
HCM Mausoleum! Outside of it anyway. We see Singapore flags courtesy of LHL!
Rose garden opposite Mausoleum is devoid of roses. I want to see it in full bloom.
We visit Chu Van An High School! :3
Creepy library with a great view from the second floor!
JM resolves to hang on anything she can lay her hands on.
WHY ARE WE CREEPING DOWN A CREEPY STAIRCASE.
We kick ducks. :D JM and Huy keep kicking ours. D: Zhixin screams whenever JM approaches.
Horrible rush hour traffic! Can't get a cab.
GRILLED BEEF WITH FRENCH BAGUETTES FOR DINNER YUMS.
Visit to Hang's house. I think she has a nice study area!
After dinner snack of 汤圆. First time I drink 姜汤 willingly.
Highlands coffee reminds me of Genting.
I hate ghost stories. In any context. Feeling murderous now.
Disturbed sleep again.
Pho breakfast with Thao and Khanh! Which Khanh says isn't very nice. Okay to us leh.
We visit the HCM Mausoleum for real. Like, inside. It smells like a hospital, of disinfectant.
Soldiers holding bayonets are way scary.
Bought a postcard. Wanted to write to you from Hanoi but I didn't. Shit me.
Art Museum. I think its my first time going into one.
Jiaomei is a bundle of energy. I hope the other tourists don't kill us. And hats off to Boo for withstanding it.
ABC restaurant lunch! 'JM is laughing I can laugh too!' HAHAHAHA.
Temple of Literature! Prays for good results. (As usual)
First wedding couple sighting. Out of the five we saw during our entire trip.
I CAN'T STAND BUGIS STREET ALREADY AND THE HANOI MARKET IS WAY WORSE. PLUS NOTHING TO BUY.
JM tries on a long-haired wig. Wow.
Approaching foot massage parlour with apprehension. Me is unhealthy. Plus it looks a bit shady.
WE HAVE TO WEAR AH-PEK PANTS HAHAHA. Hate the toilet. Scrapped my thumb there.
I've heard too many horror stories around massage parlours. It was fun! :D
First time riding pillion! On Khanh's motocycle!
Dinner at Little Hanoi that is not Little Hanoi. Hmms.
Attempt to learn how to ride a motorcycle while taught by Khanh faillllll. I WILL LEARN HOW TO RIDE A BIKE.
Desert at a desert shop! Was greedy and ordered ice + red bean + nuts + green jelly.
Drinks before returning to the hotel again! JM and I become cleverer and did not order coffee.
The Little Hanoi breakfast! Yummy yummy French Toast + tomato creme soup! Why isn't Delifrance's as nice. ):
Museum of Ethnic Minorities. Wow. I'm glad I took up History.
I WILL BALANCE ON POLE!
Lunch at Linh's house. Never bring anything for her so 不好意思。
Wanted to go to the Army Museum but it was closed. The tanks/aeroplanes look so cool la.
Karaoke instead. Dingy, rofl. I understand how non-Chinese-songs-people feel at Kbox now.
Dinner! At a soup wonton mee looking place with a lot of the VNese students!
After dinner drink at a rooftop cafe. Stunning views of Hanoi from there which I regretfully, didn't take.
Morninggg, bun again with Thao, Boo and Hang and Vietnamese coffeeee!
Word which Jiaomei says I can best be described with: Nostalgia. No wonder one of my favourite songs is 回到过去。
Today we go shopping! Riding pillion on Thao's motobike! Zoooooooooom!
Lunch at roadside stall which sells fries plus fried ngoh-hiang looking thing. Supposedly very unhealthy but so niceeee.
We randomly go bowling! Haha my bowling skills has deproved somewhat. I am voi! (Which according is Boo, describes someone who doesn't look much but is actually quite zai.)
I am reminded that we are just all nineteen year old kids and young and supposed-confused. Got me thinking about... stuff.
We continue shopping. I buy... shoes. :D
Dinner! A chicken plus pigeon hotpot. Pigeon heads included rofl.
LASER SHOOTING GAMEEEEE OMG. Katy PaTHUYYYYY vs. Baby Milo.
Super dark in there I scared.
Teeheeee I am voi again. 暗爽。
Supper at ice shop again. Love coconut milk + red beans + ice!
Roadside supper with fried street food and delightful company.
): Last night. We leave in the morning with nice Boo, Duc, Khanh and Huy sending us off in a shady cab without a meter.
WTH Noi Boi Airport nearly made us miss our flight by not updating flight screens.
We are back. Sighs at the weather and missing the company. But my stable internet and bed! (:

Alright shall post pictures now.
All pictures are copyrighted.
Tell me if you want them.
Or I'll bite.

Forementioned cute Vietnamese boy (:

Travel companions on a bus from the plane to the airport.

Dinner on the first night! It's supp to be Vietnamese pancakes or something? There was mushrooms, pork and prawns inside. Yums!

Mint tea on the left and caramel on the right!

The weekends-only church.

Zhixin on steps to library!

At CVAHS Library second floor! :D

While kicking ducks and running away.

Highlands Coffee place beside the Opera House. The waiter damn 天才 totally cut off Khanh.

Literature Museum! (:

CM! I thought of you when I saw this! :D

On top of some traditional tribe's house. Its terrifying to come down honestly.

Thao! Whose motorcycle I rode between shopping destinations.

Last night! Roadside stall (:

Khanh! First person whose bike I rode!

On the flight home :(:

Sponsorship wanted.

2010-01-09T12:32:00.007+08:00

I want a DSLR.
Sponsors please contact me.

Anyone can recommend a camera suitable for a newbie?

I want a brown blackbird fly too...
Apparently it's a limited edition. D< (Imagine how nice will the orange and brown bbfs look together!) Slams. I must take charge of my own life better. And stop caring so much about others. And stop feeling so inferior.

I AM GOING VIETNAM TOMORROW FROM THE 12TH TO 17TH!
MISS ME!
nomnomnom.
I fear, actually.
Like usual, the pre-travel lack of appetite and feeling nauseous.
Loading iPod with movies/shows now.

My cousin got 7points for O's!
So we're joint-second now hahaha.
Idk to feel more happy for him or sad that my position is no longer undisputed.
Hope he gets into NJ though!

I realise I'm old enough to buy 盛夏光年。

"We are passive onlookers in a world that moves perpetually. Our only moment of creation is that 1/125th of a second when the shutter clicks, the signal is given, and motion is stopped..."

Henri Cartier-Bresson

25square.

2010-01-05T23:07:00.012+08:00

Hey.

Realised I'm going out practically everyday.
Wonder how long will this last until everyone else find full-time jobs/starts school and no one will be free to entertain me.

Ah well, pictures.

Met up with Ping Hui, Inez and Simin to go to the flea at SG Flyer.
Didn't really want to go, but was supposed to have dinner with Inez.

Loud booming music but I bought a teeshirt so, not a total wasted trip.
Saw a lot of Cedar/NJ people there.
How odd.

This is today - Kbox people.
I am reliving thru the fangirling about SuJu experience the third time.
First Agnes, then Yi Jun/CM/Yi Tong now Inez.
Thoroughly sick and tired of it, no matter how cute they might be.
Mandopop FTW yeah.

Drove past the Flyer on the way home.
Haha random bicycle man on the bottom right.
But I like how minty the Flyer looks yay.

Reason why Perfect is well, perfect and less disturbing than real people being together:
(CM insists that this is only her opinion and will not be force-fed on people.)
One True Pair (OTP) is fictional whereas real people are, well, real people.
Trying to pair up people is not-as-nice in CM and my opinion because it seems we're toying with real people and we shouldn't impose our wishes on them as they'll have their own thoughts (we are unable to do so anyway).
Rather than FICTIONAL characters who were probably created for that very purpose.

There, vindicated.
*embraces TezuFuji*

Credits: UmiHoshi

My eyes don't believe her
But my heart, swears by her
Baby blue eyes.

-Baby Blue Eyes, A Rocket to the Moon

PoT vs. Reality

2009-12-31T21:59:00.009+08:00

Hello.

Today was filled with misplaced nostalgia (heard this from somewhere) and much thinking about stupid issues that are destined to not have a satisfactory end.
I'm being an idiot thinking of them, then.

I think I might be able to better understand Perfect fics
based on after the Hyotei match when asshole Atobe destroys Tezuka's elbow
and he leaves to recover in Kyuushuu
and I hope I can cope as well as how Fuji did in the kanasai Kirihara match.
(aka PoT chapter 150 & 219)

(This will probably sound like gibberish unless you read PoT so I guess only CM and YJ will understand.)

But we aren't the Perfect Pair and nothing turns out as well in reality.

I need to stop crying.

Such a tiring day.
Fitting end to such a tiring year.

Credits here.

i box you.

2009-12-24T23:54:00.004+08:00

Hello.

Boxing Day outing and Yi Jun's birthday lunch was fun (:

Japanese lunch was so so good zomg nicest teriyaki beef steak I've eaten (probably becos I don't eat beef much).
Yumss I wanna eat it now!
Gave X'mas presents yay.

Vivo was so crowded it was such a pain to walk around.
Went into Toys'R'Us becos YJ wanted to.
And two little boys holding hands were trying to pass through me like one on each side.
I refused to give way and according to YT I looked pretty scary and they looked fearfully at me.
HAHA fine I'm sadistic.

Cake at Secret Recipe teehee cream overload zomg guilt.
We were talking about SuJu/PoT (!).
How YJ cannot accept Atobe being anything but an uke.
How obsessed I am over Perfect.
How Echizen should just go away (me) or people should treat him better in fics (YJ).
How Saeki, Shiraishi and Echizen are always vilified in Perfect fics.
And how they are supposedly nice people.
(No way stupid little boy who seduces Tezuka isn't nice and so what if Saeki is Fuji's good friend and Shiraishi beat Fuji don't mean Fuji will be attracted to him) Hurmph.

Had a good time ♥

I hope we can go Hanoi soon soon!
Anybody wants to go? :D

I wanna wanna go Japan too!
So funny I was wiki-ing The Little Prince and I ended up exploring Japan and Korea Tourism Board sites.
Ohman ohman I wanna go Japan like soon although it seems impossible
Where is my super somebody who will go to Japan with mee!

I want somebody who won't complain to me, who doesn't mind getting lost in transition with me, who won't murder me under all circumstances and can put up with my fangirling and whining.
Haha me is self-centred brat.
But if there is someone like that contact me okay :D :D

Where the clouds are.

2009-12-22T14:57:00.004+08:00

Hello!

Am back from short Genting trip.
Thank goodness its short or I won't know what to do there...
Like hotel room - internet cafe - shopping arcade.

Compared the trip eight years ago with my cousins...
It was much more fun then, and we could just waste time/do stupid things/walk around the place.
Urg I miss them and our overseas trips together.

But well loved the weather and the chance to get away from reality.
I need to decide on what I actually want to study in uni...
I'm such a worrywart.

First night (this is around six/seven?).
See how misty/cloudy yeah am happy.
And that castle thing is fake. I think?

Honestly Genting is like a second-class Macau.
Its just run on hotels and casinos I don't see how it survives.
Gives me the feeling that it is like a facade for idk what.
I hope the IR won't make Singapore like that ):

Okay I shall go to Las Vegas next haha.

Outside the hotel.
There wasn't much things to take pictures with anyway.

I fell sick there anw.
From the sudden coldness and lack of sleep I think.
Can't sleep well in a foreign environment /:
And as a result I didn't eat so much.

English breakfast tea + croissant!
BREAKFAST~ on the first morning.
I couldn't sleep so I woke up at seven plus and went to this cafe called Bakery (lols) to read + eat since the rest of them were getting up at nine plus ten-ish.

Hot lemon tea + breakfast muffin :D

Second morning's breakfast (:
Love the hour-plus alone time I got from these meals.

And I think I've never drank so much tea in three days as I did in Genting.

View from hotel room when it is clear. :D
Which is like... rare.
An hour a day?

On the trip down~ ((:
Can see the layer of clouds zomg.
Pretty I like.

2009-12-18T18:47:00.004+08:00

Hey.

Tiring week, leaving Singapore tomorrow morning to Genting.
My mother just kindly informed me that there won't be much shopping opportunities there.
Gosh, shit.
I'm so going to finish all three of my books there.

I enjoy working at my workplace(:
Come visit me and buy stuff from the shop!

Thank goodness STB Assessment Centre is over.
I think its just me ant my anti-social-ness.
That I don't feel comfortable talking to strangers.
Haha excuses whatever.

But I saw Mouth!
I hope you solve your problem soon (:

I think there is internet connection in Genting maybe I'll facebook all day whee.
):

Groups.

2009-12-13T01:20:00.004+08:00

へ~

Hope for the best for the next few days
:B
I wonder did they leave me out or my email account is problematic?
Eeks.

313 with CM - I got an uncomfortable feeling about there idk why.
Bought a tee (: I'm determined to save it for CNY heh.
Unless I buy more clothes at Genting.
{prologue}, as always, is love.
Bought Death of a Salesman yay must start reading mans.

P&P was idol drama-ish (to quote W) and made me impatient.
The Glass Menagerie made me rather exasperated.

Lovely dinner at Chili's :D :D
I wanna go back again and eat mashed potatoes.

宠物looks like she was beheaded ahaha.

Met Germ for NM zomg I forgot how mushy and sappy the lines were until I watched it again.
People kept sniffing when Edward left Bella okay I'm rather unsympathetic.
There was this uncle who didn't silence his phone!
It kept ringing and ringing throughout the movie (when you've thought he'll silence it after the first call).
And he kept burping too.

I was lazy to walk to Blue Jazz so we had dinner at the awesome V8 Cafe!
They had this butter prawn and rice dish as well :D
Sat there for a long time talking about Cedarians and what's going-on around us etc.
And my embarrassing past!
Ugly specs ugly long hair tied back emo-prone and BAD TASTE.

I want to eat now hungry! >F

认命了。

2009-12-07T11:13:00.008+08:00

Pretty 43rd floor view at 12mn. (:

Dead tired after prom.

Prom was unexpectedly better than expected (despite the angst).

Relaxed in the room :D Dressed, make up by Zhixin. (:
Denyse came, and chatted!
Before going down to cocktail area and entering dinner place.
Cam-whoring during dinner, temporary respite in the toilet.

Love our post prom programme!

12mn:
Returned to room.
Cool 43rd-floor breeze!
Slacked/Played name-the-capitals and PoT characters, bathed.
2am:
Supper! Starbucks/MacDonalds.
4am:
Joined by some party-going-people.
5am:
Charades!
Finally collapsed at 5plus and slept to 7plus.

Zomg I'm damn tired.

There were a lot of people I wanted to take a picture with to preserve whatever memories we had together so it was rather disappointing and it made me wonder did we just think of each other as being not worth the effort to seek out and snap a picture together?
(Which includes me haha.)

♥ you, WP.
Because you bothered to find me from the next ballroom while others couldn't bother to cross half a room.

Intensive kbox-ing.

2009-12-02T22:18:00.007+08:00

Happy Eighteenth Birthday Inez!

你的快乐伤悲只有我（们）能体会
让我（们）再陪你走一回~

I hope you enjoyed your birthday (:

-

a01 kbox!

Gosh we look damn stupid with those 3d glasses...

Today was such a busy busy eventful day!
Birthday surprise,
Watching some HK drama,
Catching Christmas Carol (Frictive alliteration! [I think] Charles Dickens!),
K-student from 2-6.30pm,
Harbourfront for dinner!

Two kbox sessions in two days.
One with a01, one with Inez Wenyi 马德里 (lol!)
The second one was super worth the price.
Sang without stopping for almost four hours :D :D
Mag and Wenyi refused to take the mic!

I enjoying post A's~
Except that I'm rapidly running out of cash so job recommendations anybody?
Something that will not make me compromise on my moral values and not break any laws.

love you babe, g'night. (:

Anger management.

2009-12-01T23:40:00.003+08:00

Hey.

It's funny how my parents behave when they are angry with me.

My dad never gets angry with me for a small reason.
It is usually after I've done something really really bad (i.e. the famous case of throwing $10 at him) and disrespectful when he flares up.
We would usually be on bad terms for a month or so before things start cooling down usually because of my apology.

My mom is different.
She flares up at any small thing (i.e. washing the clothes, wth I'm sorry I wear clothes) and she shows it.
The silent period would be much more jarring and she'll snap at me for no apparent reason.
Yet the thaw will start from her as well.

Sighs why can't they just scold my brother I'm innocent while I'm sure he is the root of all evil.

Marlow and Suharto and Pip and Reagan and Friedman and Eulers and Owen and Becket and Bosola said byebye!

2009-11-25T22:50:00.009+08:00

Picture from here.

Read this today, how apt.
It made me cry.

Hello.

And so, last paper!

Lit Paper 3 wasn't particularly good.
It felt bad, actually, second to Econs essays.

Oh throw caution/worry to the wind, we are free!
(Until we get to our jobs, fly overseas anyway.)

Lunched at Lucky Plaza, Pizza Hut with weird soups and long waits and twin waitresses.
Shopped our legs off at Ion/Far East/Ngee Ann City.
英兰男公关部 with 鏡夜様 on the cover! -cue fangirl screams.
And and and 一个人的东京/张芸京361!
-kyaa! (zomg I sound stupid but!)

Dinner at Tampopo :D
Taking pictures with scary and animated objects.

It's quite sad somehow that we won't have a compulsory reason to see each other anymore.
(Since results are not compulsory. I think.)
Two years! Of working hard together.
Pia-ing in the oasis/canteen.
SEA lessons at TA12/1 for Edwyna's benefit :D
Too many, too many memories. (:

By CM's appointment I am the class's official photographer.
Haha thank you thank you.
I'm really happy that I am able to take pictures of the class!
(I have the unglam pictures to blackmail y'all ten years later...)
But I think it allows me to understand the class better?
I find it hard to put to words how I feel about this.
It's like, if each picture is worth a thousand words, I am happy that I am able to help you all speak, a few hundred thousand/million words!

Even though we might not have the class title to hold us together,
But I'm sure we will all still laugh that we pick up a book entitled 'A Brief History of Southeast Asia' or 'ASEAN Regional Forum' and think that Ms Oon must know the author.
Or think back on 'the horror, the horror!' and how we are all 'naterwally wicious'. (I'm lazy to pick up GE to get the exact quote.)
And see how JM pulls hair/Hui Yi's small eyes/Edwyna's puniness/QW&YF&WT's auntie-ness and many more.

Grah.
Thank you, you all.
♥

What can I say.

Sometimes,

Things I can be:

Let's go back to the start.

Zoom.

I hate chu

拔河

Te quiero

Let's get a hangover!

we will go marching on

you went out of the door

Mishmash of thoughts

Keep Calm

haunts

VB.

(700) posts of things gd4u

Exhaust

The week ended

Lesser than they once were

Hall Life: The Beginning.

Space in the clearing

stfu & gtfo

Grugh

they got nothin' on you

her eyes everywhere in the world

Dreary

Australiaaa.

From a fic

秘密 不能成立

Viajar

everybody's changing, so why not us?

Redirect!

¿Como dejar de amarte?

TW/HK Day Two

TW/HK Day One

An update of sorts

Pre-trip 101

Dance

Silent

Jumbled

Decisions

Mangaaaaa

我会有我的阳光道

I returned late

脱下长日的假面奔向梦幻的疆界

Now

Random rambles.

Has great friends

):

O:

To 期待 or not to 期待

:O

Decision.

In retrospect,

Ouch.

遗憾

Today in great detail (relatively)

Week Two

Grah.

Aftermath.

Eeks.

Awesome.

Of office lunches and cubicles,

If I could,

(:

Missing you

Conflict

Cansado (Tired)

计算着慌张

Somewhat in between

Tired.

Hanoi, written and illustrated.

Sponsorship wanted.

25square.

PoT vs. Reality

i box you.

Where the clouds are.

Groups.

认命了。

Intensive kbox-ing.

秘密不能成立